naturally

No matter how hard Ev-babe tries, everytime he chews gum... he swallows it. Once in the car, once in the store, and now here in the living room with me. I thought, okay - I am going to constantly remind him, don't swallow it, spit it out. He put it in his mouth, barely got it wet, and then looked at me and asked "spit it out, now?" I said, "No, wait until it gets squishy at least." He chewed it a while longer and kept looking at me and smiling as if to say - "It's still in there."  Then two more minutes passed, and he came to the table to finish his banana. Curious as to how he could eat a banana and chew gum I asked him where the gum went. He looked at me as his eyes widened, "It went down there!?" (pointing down into his throat)  It is just so natural. A very early and strong instinct, exemplified by the tiny baby in a mother's womb, learning to suck and swallow. If their tiny little fingers float up by their mouth, they start to suck on them, not by any conscious choice of theirs.
Sometimes I wonder how heaven can be perfect. It is hard to imagine millions of people there - and it still being perfect. How seemingly harmless thoughts, sinful thoughts creep into my mind all the time. It seems so natural. It is part of my being from birth - "natural sin". It is even in the name. I mean, I think about an average conversation. I'm not real fond of my neighbor, but I talk to him, and try and be loving and kind, because I know Jesus would want me to be. However, I have to bat the nasty thoughts away as I am standing there in dialogue with him. I would never say them outloud - but they are there, floating in my head. What would it be like if the negative thoughts never entered my mind? I just can't imagine... Or even the self-doubting thoughts about myself during a group prayer or when I am teaching sunday school. Am I saying the right thing? Are they getting any of this?  I will admit I have thought a lot more about heaven, since I now have a daughter residing there. My dad is there, I have grandparents there, but it is so different to have a daughter there. I was "supposed to" be the one to do everything first, show and teach her things, and tell her about heaven (the little knowledge I have). "Supposed to" doesn't matter with God. That is a good thing. I am glad that His thoughts are higher than ours and His ways are beyond ours.  It gives me comfort that I don't have to know everything, or understand everything. I just have to trust. If everything happened as it was "supposed to" according to my book, my life would look different than it does today. However, I know that everything is as it should be, because God is in control, and He is teaching me His ways. It is not easy, but I will fight my natural instincts tooth and nail to be more like Him. I will always have a difficult time imagining what perfect would look like in heaven. I do know that Jesus' blood covers my sins, and as long as I trust in Him, it doesn't matter what I can or cannot imagine. It will be, because He says it will be. I also know that Ev-babe will eventually get the hang of chewing gum. But it was a good reminder of how much we need reminders and help to conquer what comes naturally sometimes. And it feels sooo good to be living in the light of a Savior who takes away our sins, and to know that whatever sins we face, or whatever icky circumstances we are in - we are not alone.