One small cord...

I have been thinking about cords a lot lately. Not the kind you play on a piano or a guitar, and not the kind that you tie around your waist when you wear a choir robe... But the kind that connects you to your mother before you are born. The blood-pumping, life-sustaining, belly-button causing kind.

Shortly after Amelia died, we found out more information about umbilical cords than we knew existed about them. Some are short, some are long, some have three vessels, some only two, some are twisted, (like an old school telephone cord) some are fragile, some are thin, and some are thick and hardy.  Some get knotted, some get stretched, some get wrapped around not just one, but many parts of the baby's body, while others may even snap under pressure. Amelia's was a little short, and it was inserted on the edge of the placenta instead of in the middle - not ideal. My placenta was also a little low - also not ideal. Both of these factors likely contributed to some compression at some point while I was sleeping. Thus causing a shortage of oxygen, and ultimately her death.  This is all educated speculation after talking with several health professionals, one having studied stillbirths for over 25 years.

I am 24 weeks pregnant, with baby number 4. We are very excited, but we are also anxious. I will wake up and not feel anything, and wonder --- did it happen again?  Then I feel a flutter, and then a roll and I am reassured that everything is okay, for now.

I have wondered... hoped... wished... asked begged God... that we'd be able to see this cord on the ultrasound, and that it would be the right length, in the right spot, and would be the life sustaining vessel for however long it needed to be in order for us to bring this new little miracle home.

As of last friday's ultrasound, I have thanked God and praised him for the appearance of a strong cord, attached in the middle of a placenta that was up high. I know that I have no guarantees of bringing this little one home, but I have hope... again. Not without worry, but also not without prayer.

Amelia's sweet tummy, and her cord.

If you have any prayers or comments of hope - I would appreciate them.

Thanks for stopping by.